What I would tell myself a year ago…

Today marks a year since I decided to shut my salon doors due to Covid before the imminent lockdown began. That time just one year ago also feels like a lifetime ago yet at the same time has gone so quick. I wish I could go back and tell that girl that everything will work out and that everything will be ok so that I could of saved myself some heartache but we all learn and live to tell the tale.

Letter via Pinterest

I know for a lot of businesses it has been super tough and if you are in the hospitality or personal care sector; Covid has tried to take our livelihoods and it has hit us harder than ever. No matter if you have a business or it was the last time you got to see family in person, this past year has been tough. I want to reflect on the year and feel grateful for it also.

I don’t think I have ever cried so much in this past year or struggled with my mental state. I have always been a very happy and fortunate person and grown up in a loving family who always told me to respect what I have and aim for the stars. But sometimes all dreams come to an end and actually were they as good as what I always thought they were? Maybe my reality wasn’t as perfect as I once thought…

Lockdown brought its problems of not being able to work and my husband and I really had to pull together to figure out our finances. Along with help from mortgage breaks and bounce back loans we put a plan together on how we were going to pay our bills and feed our family over the next few months. We struggled through and my husband took on overtime at work which luckily became available and we were living for the next announcement to see what help financially we could get and what was happening next. Thank god he had a safe and secure job and we are a team as otherwise I would of really struggled. I appreciate this more than ever now and think I always will.

For as long as I can remember I have been super independent and never wanted to rely on anyone. I always knew I would work for myself and build up a business that I could rely on, yet it all came crashing down in March 2020. The few weeks before closure I could see it happening and knew we would have to close at some point. All businesses around us were panicking and it was all clients could talk about. You could see the panic in peoples faces at the supermarket when there was no food and no toilet roll…still not sure why that happened but never mind! That sick feeling of knowing everything you had worked hard for over the past few years was fading away. All of the years of giving up going to places as I was working, not having a maternity leave as I didn’t want to lose clients, working all hours just to squeeze people in and please them, a few years of building up a good salon that’s reputation I was proud of…just washing away with one virus that shut the world down. All of my self employed staff were panicking too and I didn’t have the answers; I just wanted to shut myself away until it was all over and hide.

To me my job isn’t just a job, it’s a career, it’s part of me and who I am and I love every minute. I’m sure if you ask any successful hairdresser out there they would say the same that their job is their passion and I felt lost when it got taken away. A few weeks after the salon closed I just tried to forget and just enjoy the time off however I felt so sad, I felt like I was mourning the loss of friendships, my job and life as we knew it all at once. I wish I could say I enjoyed the time off, but most days I just wished for it all to go back to the way it was…what I didn’t know was that better things were coming my way. So I made a plan…

I wish I could go back and tell that girl that everything will be ok. Even as I write this blog post I feel sad for that time in my life where I didn’t feel like me. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone my worries as everyone else had their own worries and even writing this now I feel guilty as there is so many people worse off than myself and have even bigger worries but I guess that’s where we go wrong. We don’t talk enough about ourselves and our feelings, we shut them out and brush over them as if they’re not valid. I like to think I am a stronger person because of this and we are building a world that will be better than it once was before. I don’t think Covid-19 will ever go away but it came for a reason and it’s here to stay.

What would you tell yourself a year ago? Has lockdown brought out a side to you that you didn’t know? Always here for a chat and would love to engage on your thoughts of the past year. After all we are all in it together ✌🏼

Love

Sam xxx

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